Distilled Water Experiment 1

A challenge came down the series of tubes: Drink a gallon of distilled water 3 days in a row; Soon you will see evidence of your hair growing back, your energy levels skyrocketing, and a horn will sprout from your forehead granting you incalculable power and majesty.  And, get this, it only gets better if you should also decide to drink your own urine.  Yes!  That’s the type of hippie talk we’re dealing with today as we attempt to separate fact from fiction.  (Spoiler alert: I won’t be partaking in the urine.)

I considered very carefully the claims about distilled water, and I considered the risks. There is, I believe, a naive belief that drinking distilled water is dangerous because “you need mineral water” and it could “deplete your electrolytes.”  One of the mental models I used to solve this problem was to imagine a paleolithic ancestor capturing rainwater. I can hardly believe that the hydrologic cycle–nature’s distillery if you will–could result in a form of insidious malnutrition. Rainwater being dangerous just doesn’t make sense from an evolutionary standpoint, unless you believe in a vengeful god who’s first name is Richard.

So, 7 days ago I bought about 7 gallons of distilled water and I’ve been on schedule with the gallon of distilled water a day (GODWAD, for you strength-training humorists.)  Let’s do a comparison of the claims versus what I’ve discovered:

Claims to be evaluated

• Hair grows back and is no longer gray (I don’t have gray hair to evaluate this)
• You gain access to the proverbial third-eye
• Lucid dreaming may occur
• Your pineal gland decalcifies (corpora arenacea) (this gland produces melatonin and serotonin)
• Water becomes easier to drink and you begin to crave it

Results of 7-day experiment

• Hair does appear to be growing thicker where it was previously thinning.  Wow. Coooooool.
• No access to the third eye…yet.
• No real lucid dreaming
• I started falling asleep at sundown as if I had taken melatonin on day 3. It could be a sign of improved melatonin signalling. Unfortunately, this did not carry to the end of 7 days.
• I’m sleeping less time. I seem to want to sleep 7pm to 11pm and  I spring out of bed refreshed. I actually have to take melatonin to go back to bed. My sleep is equally short if I push myself  to stay awake until midnight; I will wake at 5:45 refreshed. I’m not certain this is a good thing. It also may indicate problems with cortisol, which would be contrary to my previous point.
• Paradoxically the increased water intake has resulted in less urgency for bathroom trips, particularly during the night. This again points to better melatonin/cortisol signaling.  Unfortunately, this did not carry to the end of 7 days.
• Water has become easier to drink, but I wouldn’t call it a craving. Cravings for salt increased which was not surprising.
• Did not achieve unicorn status.

Extra notes: I did not fast during this experiment. This was only an experiment in distilled water intake.

Theories on results

I think any tangible results provided by this experiment may be due to the unintended following:

• Focus on increased water intake (better hydration) resulted in changes for myriad unknown reasons.
• The dilution of blood could have had an effect on hormones, toxic load, blood pressure or circulation, etc.
• Drinking so much water could be lowering the glycemic load of meals, blunting insulin response to the food.
• Better transport of waste material to the kidneys for filtration, and/or this possibly giving the kidneys ample water to let my liver pick up the pace on its own duties.
• Over-mineralization theory of aging may have some truth to it, and maybe the alleged “mineral pulling” aspects of distilled water are tangible.
• It is possible there are genetic reasons that human bodies need rainwater, and even filtered water doesn’t cut it.
• My personal favorite theory: Increased hydration may have limited water absorption during showers, thus lowering chemicals absorbed during showers. (Hair loss and showering has been anecdotally linked for some time. Just ask a homeless person about their full head of hair.)

Lastly, you remember the part about drinking your own urine?  That’s real.  Robb Wolf, a biochemist, answers many lunatic-fringe questions put past him, including this one.  Bioavailable hormones do exist in urine, and they can be re-ingested. Robb’s example: Pregnant women expel human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) which stimulates testosterone release and you could potentially use it to get to “jacked.”  You can locate this “gem” via Robb’s guest appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast, Episode #245, ~59 minute mark.  Why are you not surprised.